| help me | ||||
| 08:12pm 31/01/2004 | ||||
i love my nathan so much... but that isn't enough...i need more out of this relationship.... i need him to show me that he wants more than what we have now.... i need him to prove to me that he wants more out of this.... i have more options...but i don't know if i want to take them over him.... what should i do..? nate's been without a job since september... i'm not counting the one gutter job he had cuz it was only held for ONE day... what should i do..? i need to figure out what i want... but what saddens me is that i don't know if i want him... he's not showing me anything different than before we had our little "talk"... what should i do...? |
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confused| weight lifted | ||||
| 11:44pm 25/01/2004 | ||||
Pitchic4life: hi D3athOfLove: how are ya? Pitchic4life: u sounded distressed in ur voice mail D3athOfLove: yea D3athOfLove: y are you mad at me? Pitchic4life: i've just been thinking a lot lately....and there are just things that don't sit well with me.. Pitchic4life: but first Pitchic4life: before i go off into a whirling rage of female overdramatics, let me just ask one important (to me) question D3athOfLove: k Pitchic4life: why were u at wal-mart on thursday again? D3athOfLove: i came to see you D3athOfLove: but i didnt know who knew your mom so i didnt want to be all over you D3athOfLove: and when i heard that brian was workin i wanted to see hin Pitchic4life: well that's not what you told me. and when u told me that "oh, we're just here to see brian" that kinda hurt my feelings.. Pitchic4life: horribly D3athOfLove: im sry.... Pitchic4life: that just shot right through me D3athOfLove: i came to see you Pitchic4life: that's why i didn't say much to you before u left D3athOfLove: but i didnt know who knew your mom.. D3athOfLove: and there were alot of people around Pitchic4life: and you were at the desk..i answer the phone and u were gone....and u never came back period...till i paged u that is. Pitchic4life: they know Pitchic4life: just so u know Pitchic4life: they know D3athOfLove: im sry D3athOfLove: i spent brians last 15mins of his lunch talkin about his baby.. Pitchic4life: ok Pitchic4life: thats no big deal D3athOfLove: and i came to see you and you were goner... D3athOfLove: im sry D3athOfLove: i wanted to spend time with you.. D3athOfLove: im sry i hurt you D3athOfLove: i didnt mean to... Pitchic4life: but a simple "hey, i'm gona talk to brian, i'll be right bak" ot something a long those lines would have been decent Pitchic4life: i know D3athOfLove: im sry Pitchic4life: i got to the point where i, again, was purposely trying to push ur buttons Pitchic4life: you know the whole sitting on bens lap dealy? Pitchic4life: yea Pitchic4life: thats one D3athOfLove: i know Pitchic4life: and the whole me asking u to not let the whole me and u having sex that day to not effect my decision on things Pitchic4life: yea Pitchic4life: that's another Pitchic4life: because it did Pitchic4life: which is one reason why i did it Pitchic4life: because i fucking love you D3athOfLove: i love you too Pitchic4life: it sure as hell didn't, then did, then didn't feel like it D3athOfLove: im sry... D3athOfLove: i really am... D3athOfLove: but i do love you Pitchic4life: i kow you do D3athOfLove: i love you with all my heart D3athOfLove: and im sry i dont always express that like i should Pitchic4life: but sometimes it just feels like you don't give a shit...i am sorry if this comes out wrong, but i've been trying to form ths into words and i just can't preplan it...so what you're getting is raw.. Pitchic4life: i've felt so sick lately from being so damn depressed over this Pitchic4life: but i needed some time to cool down D3athOfLove: i know... D3athOfLove: im sry for what im putting you thru D3athOfLove: i really am D3athOfLove: you dont deserve it Pitchic4life: no...not really...unless i really did do smething to deserve it, then let me know now D3athOfLove: you havnt D3athOfLove: im startin to think that your dad is right... Pitchic4life: what's that? D3athOfLove: you can do soooo much better than me... D3athOfLove: im not worth your time Pitchic4life: nathaan Pitchic4life: i love you Pitchic4life: i love you more than anything.... D3athOfLove: and i you Pitchic4life: you're a wonderful person and i cherish all the time we spend together Pitchic4life: i don't want to lose what we have/had D3athOfLove: neither do i Pitchic4life: but what can i do? can you show me something better that what's been happening? D3athOfLove: i want to D3athOfLove: and im tryin D3athOfLove: i know it dosent seem like it tho Pitchic4life: sometimes it does Pitchic4life: others it doesnt D3athOfLove: i know Pitchic4life: what can we do nathan? D3athOfLove: i dont know... D3athOfLove: im trying D3athOfLove: im goin to lowes ti turn in an application tomoroww... D3athOfLove: if the weather permits it atleast Pitchic4life: understandable D3athOfLove: i dont know what else to do... D3athOfLove: help me plz D3athOfLove: i know ive been a jackass lately D3athOfLove: and im sry D3athOfLove: ive been stressed out.... D3athOfLove: and i know i shouldnt take it out on you Pitchic4life: no...not like that D3athOfLove: but sometimes even though i dont want it to it happens Pitchic4life: i know Pitchic4life: and i do the same thing Pitchic4life: iknow your stressed hun Pitchic4life: i've been trying to be patient, but right now i'm letting it get to me and it's bothering me D3athOfLove: tell me what to do and i will Pitchic4life: i'm taking it personally, though i shouldn't, and i've been stressed as wel D3athOfLove: i know D3athOfLove: and i know im responable for most of that...and im sry Pitchic4life: i blessed jason out the other day D3athOfLove: eh? Pitchic4life: for smacking me on the ass three times with his little rope bundle D3athOfLove: -.- Pitchic4life: he hit me twice Pitchic4life: blew it off Pitchic4life: then he got in my face Pitchic4life: i got back Pitchic4life: hit him in the head Pitchic4life: he hit my ass again Pitchic4life: and i just yelled Pitchic4life: he was like "oh you can hit me but i can't hit u?" Pitchic4life: and i just decided to mention that it's not a matter of that D3athOfLove: ... Pitchic4life: but a matter of where the bastard hits me D3athOfLove: he's startin to piss me off... Pitchic4life: oh wow..nathan's getting pissed off at this? sorry...u usually just kinda snicker like i'm joking about the situation D3athOfLove: ..... Pitchic4life: sorry D3athOfLove: s'ok Pitchic4life: calls em likes i sees em D3athOfLove: in know D3athOfLove: i know* Pitchic4life: but u do do that D3athOfLove: i know D3athOfLove: and im sry Pitchic4life: i'm just trying to get all this out D3athOfLove: i know D3athOfLove: go ahead Pitchic4life: i don't feel as pissed off D3athOfLove: good D3athOfLove: if you still want to beat me i promise i wont like it D3athOfLove: just this once tho Pitchic4life: doofus Pitchic4life: heh |
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accomplished| ooooooo....pissed | ||||
| 11:35pm 22/01/2004 | ||||
nathan has royally pissed me off... if he'd like to know HOW... he can fucking CALL ME.... later |
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enraged| meh... | ||||
| 02:25pm 07/01/2004 | ||||
two and a half weeks ago i broke up w/nathan. he needs a job and my dad has been buggin me for weeks about it... four days after i broke up with him i was miserable....so i talked to him and we patched things up. and we're back together. hopefully by the end of this week/beginning of next week, he'll have this job he's been waiting for with his brother Adam. my dad doesn't know we're back together, or that we've spoken, and thinks i should "kick him to the curb for good" but i honestly don't want to. i want them to know who i'm seeing, but i'm sick of them not liking anyone i date.... i've been thinking of just having nathan talk to them when he gets a job...so that they can get their thoughts and crap all out in the open.... but part of me thinks i should just keep it to myself until further notice... what should i do?? nothing seems to be helping me... I've been writing more and more lately thani have in the past few months... nothings working... |
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contemplative| sigh.... | ||||
| 10:09am 23/12/2003 | ||||
i broke up with nathan yesterday (12/22) i feel like total cow shit.... i want him back NOW but i can't do that...he needs a steady job before i can cave in and try to get him back and get back what we had. i hate myself for what i did..but i didn't know what else to do... i'm prolly gona hear it from so many people about this shit.. i already got bitched out by some random whore about why i should or shouldn't be upset yesterday. i'm sorry if i was BAWLING MY FUCKING EYES OUT BECAUSE I LOVE THE GUY AND I DIDN'T WANA BREAK UP WITH HIM... oi |
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guilty| la la la | ||||
| 12:02pm 15/12/2003 | ||||
i'll be 20!!! 20!!! in uhm....less than a month! yay!!! whee!!! yawn...vikki tired... vikki confused as well but, meh, i shall deal, yes? PEACE! |
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| two in a row! go me!` | ||||
| 08:58am 11/12/2003 | ||||
my dad's getting weird on me thinking ppl are plotting shit... won't listen to me...bad tiems... waiting for a hat i ordered to come in...bah!!! nathan is getting on my nerves..lol! :) love u hes reading....he's funny...gawd i'm updating this thing with him right behind me....scary CASEY MUST MEET BEN!!!!!! uhm........i have completely run outa shit to discuss....yea...moving on BAI BAI!! |
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chipper| la la la | ||||
| 04:06pm 09/12/2003 | ||||
school's almost over... Nathan rulez... I love my shweety... CASEY HAS TO MEET SOMEONE!!! so she better get w/me about that.. going to see LOTR next week! casey!! u gota go w/me!!! i'll explain later. :) call me call me call me!! 5934966 work still sux... christmas almost here... must finish shopping!!!! |
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| wow....damn i'm neve rhere!!! | ||||
| 10:57am 23/11/2003 | ||||
I'm back. in 11 days my b/f and i will reach our three month mark. I'm pretty happy about that. i have my own issues at hand but those are finally calming down. I'm on speaking terms with charlie. which is good. I left my house one night last week because i couldn't take my dad's crap anymore. they keep telling people i "ran away" but I honestly don't think you can consider it "running away" when you're almost 20 and decided it'd be best if you stepped out after your dad telling you that the reason he's been bitter and pissed and stress is because of you....that kinda hits hard. I can never repay Nathan enough for what he did for me. I asked him to call my dad and tell him where i was that night because i was too chicken to do it myself. so he basically risked what my parents thought of him just to help me out. AND we stayed in the same bed...his dad was usually cool w/that, but he fussed at Nathan about that the next night before i went home. he's my baby...love him to death. I saw an interesting play last night. Called "sylvia" very very good play. Work still sucks and math is kicking my ass. so I'm gona go because i have to be at work soon. peace to all! |
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| (1 hug | hug this artist) |
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| whee!!! | ||||
| 12:07pm 11/09/2003 | ||||
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| (1 hug | hug this artist) |
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bouncy| blah blah blah | ||||
| 10:25am 02/09/2003 | ||||
it's official that ex's suck. i'm sick of them altogether. cept one or two. either way they suck though. men suck in general. but enough ranting and raving on that shite right!? i'm moving to jewelry soon hopefully at work. out of stationery cuz i can't take much more of it. my friend terry, otherwise known as "T-Diddy" who works in housewares (badboy) has dubbed me into his and my friend derek's (diggy smalls) little unofficial somewhat not serious club thingy. i'm now vikki-ditty, the badboy princess. ...i think these people need sleep. lots of sleep. i got the nerve to ask someone out a couple days ago, but i got turned down. no biggie. i'm dealin with it. just a little disappointing. but alas what can you do. i still got billy to drool over though right?! woot! well the vikkinatortron 5000 is out now. peace to all of yall |
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| bah.... | ||||
| 12:36pm 24/08/2003 | ||||
i start school TOMORROW!!! yay...taking driving school class dealy with ex...woopie dooo... i have to get the nerve to call someone...i hate calling ppl. i feel uber annoying calling people...but whatever. we shall see right? i really wana see him. h'es my buddy i haven't seen him in like a year...so why the hell not right??? what could it hurt? not to mention my friend thomas isn't gona leave me alone about it until i do. i was so tired at work yesterday..i was walking with my friend rachael out to our cars and we saw this incredibly hot guy. my friend billy. and she knows i think he's hot..she was like "oh, you think he's sexy, doncha/?" i was like "oh yes...so sexy" and then we walked by him and i just blurt out "hey, i think you're soooo sexy" lol yes...i am a mess. he just kinda looked at me.. he prolly paid it no mind since he's a friend of mine and he should know how i am by now. shyea...whatever. we'll see.wish me luck on calling mark! |
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| (1 hug | hug this artist) |
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blah| again...i really never update! | ||||
| 11:35am 24/07/2003 | ||||
i got my first speeding ticket two weeks ago. bah. got court next month. wooo.... i'm out...waiting for phone call... |
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| wow...i never update | ||||
| 10:04pm 23/05/2003 | ||||
Vikki |
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| been a while | ||||
| 02:05pm 19/03/2003 | ||||
Men SUCK ASS!!!! i have had many many MANY guy problems... #1, Shawn: coulda been there, but i fucked up... #2, Jimmy: again, coulda been tehre, but he's gona...in WA STATE!!! ugh... #3, Charlie: Have the option...but don't really wana take it...i don't know. i just don't konw if i feel that way about him. #4, Matt: woulda been there, but he doesn't want a relationship, either that, or he just doesn't give a shit. #5, Travis: Total hottie, not interested in me. SCRATCH OFF LIST!!! #6, PJ: Not saying a WORD to him. it could wind up blowing up in my face like all the rest! #7, Mike: gota new g/f. there goes those chances again. not that there were any to begin with. i tried for 2 years. where'd i get?! NOWHERE!! FUCK THAT!!! I stopped making any attempts about a year ago. #8, Geoff: yea...I haven't spoken to him since the day he kinda...yea bad encounter! well..not really. just very awkward. But yea...no chances there. I haven't made any moves toward anything in regards to guys in a while. i have officially given up. so hey. why not enjoy being single yes?! whatever. life sucks...can't wait to get out of this fucking state. |
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| (1 hug | hug this artist) |
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| blah blah blah | ||||
| 11:16am 30/10/2002 | ||||
I got a betta from wal-mart the other day. It died yesterday. Bloody wal-mart fish, only last you three or four days! Haha! I need opinions from some people. Who here thinks I'm "psycho"? I was told I was psycho, but that was from someone who THINKS she knows me when she's never even spoken to me, nor has any information on me whatsoever. But everyone here pretty much knows how I work, I put everything up here. So I would like to know if I'm REALLY psycho. I don't think I am unless I do it on purpose! J/K!! But anywho, Casey, I would like an answer from you as well on this one. Honest answer. (Not that I think you'll lie to me, just saying!) --Vikki |
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| . . . | ||||
| 09:41am 25/09/2002 | ||||
I feel like this is one of those twilight zone episodes or something. Everytime I find somebody, it ends up like this. Why do I keep setting myself up to get hurt all the damn time?! I really thought I had something special with Eric. Everything was going really well, I couldn't have been happier with anyone. But then he breaks up with me. And now I just feel like I got hit by a bus. When will this shit stop?! I haven't been this down since my break up with Robert and that whole mess of shit with Mike. This is just entirely too much. I guess I'm just destined to be alone and heartbroken, huh? Figures this one ended up like the rest of them. --Vikki |
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| wow!! | ||||
| 11:02pm 21/09/2002 | ||||
Things are picking up here. Things are getting so much better. I have someone in my life that I really care about, and that I love and who loves me in return..no questions asked. I have no doubt in my mind about him. I have such a wonderful feeling about him. So great! I'm out --Vikki |
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| yay!! | ||||
| 11:44pm 14/08/2002 | ||||
--Vikki |
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| w/e.... | ||||
| 01:15am 13/08/2002 | ||||
--Vikki |
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toomuchpain |
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Friends Info Calendar Deviant Art; vikki |
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